VH1′s “Basketball Wives” offers a glimpse into lives of the women that love NBA players. The title is a little misleading because Jennifer Williams is the only one of the ladies that’s married, and her husband, Eric “Jabber Jaw” Williams, hasn’t been in the league since the 2006-07 season.
From the Left: Jennifer Williams, Royce Reed, Erikka Moxam, Shaunie O'Neal, Evelyn Lozada, Suzie Ketcham and Gloria Govan
The show actually features an ex-wife (Shaunie O’Neal), an ex-fiancee (Evelyn Lozada), an ex-10-year relationship (Suzie Ketcham), an ex-jumpoff (Royce Reed), a current fiancee (Gloria Govan), and Williams who’s struggling with her marriage.. Or maybe she’s not (Go to 2:13 of this video). It’s Reality TV and everyone knows you can’t believe what you see. Erikka Moxam is also part of the show (she’s Rasual Butler’s ex-girlfriend!) but she gets less run than Dikembe Mutombo in the All-American Basketball Alliance.
What the Wives have shown during the first five episodes is that they’re the same bunch of annoying, shallow, catty, spoiled chicks with an undeserved sense of entitlement that chased after the top jocks in high school. The only difference is now they’re spending the hubby/fiance/ex’s money instead of daddy’s. Talk about making it..
Here’s a breakdown of the first five episodes:
The season premieres with Shaunie inviting the other women to dinner so the home audience can identify the passengers on the coming train wreck. Evelyn tries to cry about walking away from Antoine Walker (He went broke, she left. Strange timing…) but can’t quite get the tears out. Shaunie and Gloria exchange very few meaningful words in a private conversation about Gloria’s sister Laura Govan (Gilbert Arenas’ fiancee) allegedly sleeping with Shaquille O’Neal while he was married to Shaunie.
Then it was time for the ladies to hate on Royce. I know you’ve seen the video of Dwight Howard’s baby mama Royce Reed shaking her ass at a TO and Ochocinco pool party during Super Bowl week. Evelyn, Jennifer and Suzie were poolside and later decided to hold an intervention for Royce about her behavior. The trio must have forgotten they were party to Royce’s dirty dancing.
The funniest part about Royce being on the show is that she’s legally barred from mentioning Dwight Howard’s name or their relationship. So she comes off as just some chick that used to dance for the Miami Heat and Orlando Magic that loves shaking her ass in public. In actuality, she has a son fathered by the best center in the NBA, AND she loves shaking her ass in public.
Episode two starts with Evelyn and her event planner looking for a place to throw Evelyn’s 34th birthday party. “It’s gonna be the talk of the town.” Why? I can’t imagine too many people care about the ex-fiancee of a broke basketball player having a birthday party. Evelyn and the party planner try to front like they’re throwing a huge gala but in the end there isn’t more than 16 people at the dinner. Evelyn talks dating a little later and explains “I haven’t been single in 10 years so now it’s like everybody text messages and everybody sends pictures so it’s a whole new world, the whole dating thing.” These pictures show that she’s figured out the new world quite well.
NSFW Uncensored Pictures Here:
The ringleaders of the high school-esque Mean Girls are Evelyn and Jennifer -two women jaded by philandering NBA players- who only seem happy spreading misery to others. They debate whether or not to invite Royce to Evelyn’s party because they feel Royce is “sloppy” and “high school.” But surprise! Royce gets an invitation. Never saw that coming.
Former NBA player Eric Williams makes an appearance on the show when he meets Jennifer for dinner to discuss their marital problems. The issue seems clear: Eric left the NBA after the 2006-07 season and now the limelight, no matter how dim it was, is gone. And Jennifer’s next unless he wins the Powerball. Jennifer’s friends nicknamed Eric Jabber Jaw because of the way he talks. All this time I thought he was impersonating a 1930s gangster with a plugged nose and a mouth full of peanut butter.
Evelyn arrives at her birthday party and the initial “drama” is Royce being late but thankfully random friend Rashida is there to change the topic and liven up the get together. She calls Jennifer phony which leads to an am I phony? vs. yes you’re phony phony argument. The back and forth needs some Suzie (you’ll understand why soon) but without her there it fizzles. Jennifer likes to talk trash and instigate but never do anything. Ever.
Royce shows up to keep the party (and her booty) moving. She does a “Royce” dance routine for Evelyn, the party goers and the people in the club. To steal a line from Charles Barkley, “Dwight Howard is rolling over in his grave”.. And fouling the guy in the coffin next to him in the process.
Episode three begins with Evelyn showing off her shoe store and claiming that Antoine had nothing to do with the business. She did it all on her own. Uh huh.
The third show marks the first time any children of the Wives are seen. All of the women have children (except for Jennifer) but none had appeared on the show until Evelyn and Jen made a trip to Gloria and Matt Barnes’ house. The Barnes-Govan kids are all over the place. They look like a happy family. Enter Heat Miser and Snow Miser. The duo interrogate Barnes about NBA player infidelity after being amazed that Gloria can cook. Jennifer and Evelyn should be arrested for attempted murder for all the salt they dump on Barnes. Everybody knows about black men and high blood pressure.
In one of those Reality show cutaway interviews Jennifer mentions Gloria’s sister “doing the do with Shaq.” The Diesel hooking up with Gilbert Arenas’ fiancee has come up three times in three episodes. I think there’s something that Shaunie wants to talk about.
Most of the actions the women do are proceeded by the phrase “Shaunie wants me to…” The latest SWMT is for Jennifer to take Royce shopping for some big girl clothes. Jennifer thinks she’s done her good deed for the day by taking Royce to get her hair done. This is the dumbass world they live in.
Suzie, Royce, Jennifer and Evelyn hit a party that’s supposed to be thrown by Chad Ochocinco. It’s not. The line of the night goes to Jennifer for “Who’s here? There’s like, no like, notables.” No notables indeed. By the grace of the VH1 gods, Sandra the Groupie shows up at the event. The Wives trash talk her behind her back for having plastic surgery. They don’t like her because A) They think she’s a groupie B) She supposedly tried to talk to Eric Williams, Shaq, Shawn Marion and others and C) They think she’s a groupie. That’s four strikes for Sandra in the “Basketball Wives” justice system.
The wives and girlfriends of the players hate the chicks that want to be wives and girlfriends of the players. Somebody needs to end the vicious cycle of groupie/gold digger-on-groupie/gold digger violence. The groupies/gold diggers should be working together, not fighting each other. When one reaches the promised land she should pull another groupie/gold digger up with her. Not because it’s best for the groupie/gold digger clan, but because NBA players love threesomes.
The fourth installment of “Basketball Wives” starts with Matt Barnes making his second appearance on the show. It seems strange since Barnes ripped “Wives” on The Jim Rome Show but he later said his comments were twisted a little and dissed Jennifer Williams when he joined an Orlando radio show to clarify his earlier statement.
Gloria, Royce, Evelyn, Jennifer and Suzie go out for dinner and gossip. Suzie asks Royce if the dancers are banned from dating the players, and Royce says some of the dancers were friendly. Let this be a lesson to all the young ladies out there: Being friendly will get you pregnant.
Suzie then asks “Who has slept with Shaquille O’Neal?” and the other wives quickly turn to Gloria. Shaq’s relationship with Laura Govan has been on the show more than Shaunie. I heard it might get its own spin-off. Gloria gets a little heated and then shuts the convo down by telling the other wives she’s not talking about that situation anymore. The smart money says she will.
Next up is house shopping for Jennifer and Eric, you know, because buying a multi-million dollar home is the cure for a failing relationship. Especially if you’re a gold digger looking to get half. I’m kidding of course. She’d be looking to take everything but would have to settle for half.
Royce and Gloria go out to dinner and once again Royce talks about dancers/cheerleaders dating NBA players. “Like, yeah it’s against the rules. But the thing is like, our mentality was kinda like, we’re grown, how you gonna tell me who I can and can’t date?” As if there was any question as to why she’s a former-NBA dancer. Gloria quickly determines she doesn’t want to spend any more time than she has to with Royce.
Jennifer turns to Evelyn for relationship advice which is like Dwight Howard asking Shaquille O’Neal for free throw tips. Both try to cry and fail while discussing Jennifer’s relationship. This is the third and fourth time (Royce attempted to cry at her intervention) that the Wives have tried to shed some tears but come up dry. I’m expecting the Wives to add crying to their game for season two in the same way Michael Jordan came to camp with something new in his arsenal.
Suzie, Royce and Jennifer go out to dinner. These chicks eat more than Eddie Curry after Ramadan. In the biggest of coincidences, Plastic Surgery model Sandra shows up at the restaurant and of course an argument follows. Jennifer calls PSmS a groupie and PSmS responds with gold digger. If they would stop arguing for a second I’m sure they could agree that they both sound stupid. Through the magic of television editing PSmS goes from standing up and wearing a pink jacket over her blue dress to sitting down with the Wives with her jacket off. Big mistake on her part. Suzie looks buzzed and she dated Michael Olowokandi for 10 years. That’s a dangerous mix. Drinks to the face and threats ensue.
The fifth episode is the best/worst of the bunch. Jennifer seeks relationship advice from Suzie and Evelyn while drinking and shopping. Suzie’s suggestions? “Just go kiss somebody,” and “I think it would be great for Jennifer to start cheating on him,” and “At this point it’s not even considered cheating.” Her reasoning is that Jennifer might be missing out on her next husband by not cheating on her current man. I get it. It’s the same reason Tiger slept with all those women. He had to have a back-up plan just in case Elin decided to leave him for some reason.
Suzie’s on a mission to hook her homies up with somebody. She sets up a blind date for Evelyn that doesn’t stand chance from the first drink. Because the date isn’t really a drinker and she admittedly likes to knock a few back.
Suzie, Jennifer and Evelyn take Royce out for drinks and to let her know that Gloria has been talking trash about her behind her back. The three of them clearly have a problem with Gloria but they’re using little Royce to fight their battle. Evelyn keeps the “Shaq messed with Laura Govan” streak alive in a cutaway interview interjected between statements of the women hatin’ on Gloria. Five shows, five mentions of Shaquille O’Neal and Gilbert Arenas’ fiancee. Shaunie is a cold piece.
As luck would have it the ladies are at a self-defense class in the next scene. Gloria walks in as and the three chicks are still yapping at Royce about things Gloria said. The passive-aggressiveness eventually leads to Royce and Gloria putting on the gloves and going at it. CAT FIGHT!!
Who you think won the “fight” depends on your scoring style. Gloria landed the more powerful shots but Royce was the aggressor and delivered punches in bunches. I’m giving it to Gloria for the thudding kick early in the round.
So five shows in the can and what you’ve got is Shaunie O’Neal executive producing this mess while keeping her camera time on par with Adam Morrison’s game minutes. Erikka Moxam is following suit. It’s all good though because the show doesn’t need them. Evelyn is scandalous to the point that I’m not sure Antoine Walker didn’t fake going broke just to get rid of her. Jennifer is a cowardly lion trapped in a scarecrow’s body. Suzie’s down for whatever as long as whatever isn’t something positive. Gloria appears to have the life the other wives want even if they hate on her. Royce is happy-go-lucky and loves dancing. Especially in front of Terrell Owens and Luda.
The show wanted to give a behind the scenes look at the lives of basketball wives. That goal died during casting. What it accomplished is making the NBA player a sympathetic figure. It’s impossible not to feel sorry for them when you see the pool of women that they have to choose from.
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